Shoe addict that I am, I've entered a little competition to design my own shoe...just need a few votes to help me win!

Help me to win, vote on my design here!

Jokes for Children, part 2 - 6/7 year olds

It's not hard to tell that I'm a pretty rubbish blogger. The perils of a full-time job and two children mean that I don't often have the time (or, let's face it - the inclination) to write regular posts. In some ways, I envy those that do, although I like to hope that maybe my sporadic approach means I only post true nuggets of golden quality (ahem).

Anyway, good bloggers are supposed to be on top of their stats and traffic, know their audience inside out and tailor their approach accordingly. Here again I fail pretty miserably, having been so totally bamboozled by the last update of google analytics that I never darkened its doors ever again. Still, blogger doesn't let me totally forget that I am supposed to worry about my stats, for it gives a handy little guide in my dashboard that I have been known to idly glance at on the odd occasion.

Pretty much consistently without fail, the one search term that brings the most people to my blog on a regular basis is either "jokes for four year olds" or "jokes for five year olds". Go on, I dare you - go google those search terms and see who comes up around halfway down the page (number three spot on the five year olds, I'll have you know - people pay good money for that sort of ranking!). Yep, yours truly with a post I wrote nearly two years ago now begging for inspiration for jokes for children.

The thing is, while my youngest daughter is now starting to appreciate the jokes aimed at this age range, eldest daughter has now turned seven, and as any parent of a seven year old will tell you, this is a vast step up in sophistication from a five year old when it comes to humour. While her little sister is still at the "why did the chicken cross the road - to get to its house" school of comedy, DD1 can be found rolling her eyes, sighing loudly and muttering "that's not even FUNNY" under her breath at her younger sibling's efforts.

I have therefore decided that now seems like an appropriate time to update my own, very limited, repertoire of jokes for children to reflect that increased sophistication. (Once again, I take no responsibility whatsoever for how funny or not these jokes are - they are purely based on those that either I, or a just-turned-seven-year-old can remember...)

Current favourites include doctor, doctor jokes, e.g.:

"Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a strawberry"
"Here's some cream for you"

or

"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains"
"Pull yourself together"

or a series of jokes revolving around deer and their various body parts (or lack thereof):

"What do you call a deer with no eyes"
"No idea"

"What do you call a deer with no ears"
"A d"
 (particular favourite, that one)

"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs"
"Still no idea"

You get the picture...

So, as before, I'm throwing the floor open to you - help me out here -what are you favourite jokes for children, for any age range?

When Polly Pocket met Chessington World of Adventures (or the one with dolls, vampires and big fish)

Last week saw the annual "I can't believe my baaaabyyyy is X*" hand wringing that takes place around mid-April, with eldest daughter's birthday. We had already arranged a party, but when I found an email in my inbox inviting us to a Polly Pocket event at Chessington World of Adventures on the day itself, I couldn't really say no...My two have only relatively recently discovered Polly Pocket, having been given some figures for Christmas, but they were already big fans, so it seemed a bit of a no-brainer.

When we got to the hotel where the venue was, the kids totally conformed to type, as DD1 headed straight for the computers with the new Polly Pocket website, and DD2 got her face painted:

 ....but mostly they were just happy to play with all the Polly Pocket toys on offer:

When the fun was over, we were allowed free reign inside Chessington World of Adventures. I think I've blogged in the past about my love of theme parks and especially rollercoaster-type rides, so I suspect I may have been a bit more excited about this bit than the children...

We started off gently with a quick trip round the zoo, and the Sealife Centre, before heading towards the rides. To be honest, an odd number of people in a theme park is never the best idea, and we really could have done with Mr Tin being able to join us for the day - sadly he was shackled to his desk, so couldn't make it. Therefore, random adults had to be found for DD1 to pair up with on some of the scarier rides - both of my children being rollercoaster freaks like their parents.

Both kids loved the "Vampire" - their first experience of a "hanging underneath" rollercoaster - despite the fact we had to queue for nearly two hours, thankfully our longest queue. In the end, the combination of the park being busy due to school holidays and starting the day relatively late after the event meant that we probably only managed to see a third of the attractions. The cries of "please can we go again mummy" started on the way home, and I must admit the new hotel looked very tempting....

DD1 declared it the "best birthday ever" - I only hope I can live up to the next one!

Many thanks to the guys at Mattel and Chessington for a fabulous day.
____

(*7, in this case)

(P.S. Head over to http://pollypocketbestdayever.co.uk/ for a chance to win more fun days out, including trips to Chessington World of Adventures)

7x7x7x7

In one of those bizarre twists of fate, just as I was thinking "gee, I'm not really a very good blogger, blah, blah", along comes Tattooed Mummy to tag me in a meme. I haven't done a meme in ages, and I as it seems like a good bloggy thing to do, I guess I should give it a go...

I have to list 7 blog posts I admire

Then list 7 things about myself

Then answer 7 questions set by that my "tagger", set 7 questions of my own and pass on the whole shebang!

Ouf. Nothing like a nice "easy" meme to get used to them again then!


Where do I even begin on 7 POSTS I admire? Seven blogs would be tough enough...but seven POSTS?


1) Probably a more inconsistent blogger than even me, the lovely "I now consider her a real-life friend" Nicki managed to write a simultaneously amusing-yet-harrowing account of her breakdown. She's very readable, and I wish she'd carry on!


2) Muddling Along Mummy sums up the permanent struggle of the working parent better than I ever could


3) I'm cheating with the third one, as really I could have chosen anything from this blog, but Lou's Things of Beauty  is always something lovely and soothing to glance at - she has a wonderful eye for slightly wistful photos, and there are some lovely words accompanying them.


4) London City Mum was the only person who could explain the Euro Crisis in terms I could understand.


5) I'm still in awe of Ms Alliance's Christmas Round Robin


6) I loved Helena Halme's How I Came to Be In England series of blog posts chronicling her journey from her native Finland to the UK via the romance with her Englishman, so I was thrilled to see that not only will she be publishing the series as an e-book, but that she is also now posting extracts of her diary from that first year. 


7) One of the best thing about blogging is finding someone with similar experiences to yourself - especially when it comes to parenting. I found myself nodding my head and positively weeping with relief and recognition when I read Battles with my seven year old ... you're never on your own in the blogosphere...




7 Things About Myself:


1) I've been afraid of fireworks ever since presentations at junior school by the local fire brigade with a slide show showing all the horrible injuries inflicted by them. I'm not too bad with organised displays, but it's only recently that the thought of going to someone's house hasn't filled me with horror.
2) I am both tonsil-less and wisdom-tooth-less
3) I don't like olives
4) The number of people who have no idea that I have not one, but four, pictures of me in my Twitter avatar still surprises me...
5) I've always fancied red hair, but have never dared as my mother is a natural redhead, and we already look too similar!
6) I once had a goldfish called Bryan Robson...it died after two days...
7) I have a scar on the index finger of my right hand from a go-karting accident when I was 5 ot 6.


Questions asked by Tattooed Mummy:

1. Do you have a favourite child? Either one of yours or someone elses! Why?
• Of course I have to say I love both my children equally - how could I not!! As for other children...I'll let you into a little secret...I'm not really a huge fan of other people's kids...
2. What was your first pet (not family pet - your own)? if you have never had a pet which would you most like to own?
• I've always wanted a cat - they appeal to my introverted, no-messing nature. Sadly, I'm terribly allergic!
3. Can you play any musical instrument and if so what?
• As a child, I learnt the recorder, the classical guitar, the violin and the piano. I don't think I'd be able to play any of them any more though...
4. Do you speak more than one language? Which ones?
• I grew up in Germany, and can do a pretty passable impression of a German. I'm also fluent(ish) in French, and know smatterings of Finnish and Italian. I also did a couple of years of Russian and Japanese at school, but a reasonable knowledge of Cyrillic script and a basic greeting is about all that remains of either of those!
5. How old were you when you had your first proper kiss and what were the circumstances?
• I was 17 (yep, late developer)...away at a church retreat. There was a group of Italian teenagers staying in the same youth hostel. One of them took a liking to me, and we kissed under a staircase. I remember it being cold, wet and clammy and wondering what the fuss was about, and spent the rest of the weekend avoiding him!
6. How many and which countries have you visited?
• In all honesty, probably too many to list - I've been very lucky. The only continents I haven't made it to are the South East Asia, South America and Australia. 

1. If you cold only eat one meal over and over again for the rest of your life what would it be?
• My love of cheese is no secret...it would have to be a selection of cheese and biscuits...mmmmmmm

The questions I'd now like to pass on to others are:


1) When was the last time you told a lie?
2) Is there any food you've not tried, but would really like to?
3) What posters were on the wall of your teenage bedroom?
4) Groundhog Day is real. Which day would you choose, and why?
5) Which is the one room in your house you'd make over, if money were no object?
6) Would you ever consider/have you ever had plastic surgery?
7) What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done?

And with that, I'd like to tag the following victims:

Julie at Kailexness in the hope it fits into one of her boxes ;)
Nicki in the hope that she might pick up the blogging thing again
and
Ms Alliance, because I'm lazy and I'm just using the list up there... ;-)
Corinne at A Journey Through Motherhood 
Random Pearls of Wisdom - because we need a male perspective

Random Thoughts from Inside my Head, the 2 year Blogoversary Edition

So, last Saturday was my two-year blogoversary. Apparently it is customary to mark such things, although I seem to recall I missed my first one as well...still, it goes nicely with my general "I never remember birthdays or anniversaries" haphazardness.

Of course, the only reason I remember this particular anniversary, is because the Annual Ski Disaster  Trip is looming next week, and I seem to remember this being close to my first post on this blog. (I think I have documented my general fears on the subject enough, but suffice to say, I am approaching it with my usual mix of trepidation, fear and excitement. I am fully expecting the usual week of gritted teeth and "why did I agree to this", to be followed by the euphoria of "I'm not dead, let's do it again". )

Looking back, it still amazes me that I managed to maintain an average of two posts per week in my first year of blogging, when these days I barely manage two a month. Still, that's what being busier at work and having children with more demands as they get older does, I suppose.

Anyway, to those of you who have stuck around - thank you, and have you considered seeking psychiatric help?