On Friendship

Anyone who has been reading my intermittent ramblings for a while will know that one of my favourite subjects is that of work-life balance and the juggling of different roles. After a few years of  practising the holy trinity of wife-mother-employee, I like to think I have at least come to terms with the fact that I am giving each of these roles the best I can without damaging them too much. I am more than happy to have sacrificed role of cleaner and perfect housekeeper along the way!

However, one thing I have recently started to wonder is whether the role of "Friend" has also inadvertently slipped by the wayside without me noticing. I have always been one of these people that does not make friends easily - I have few friends, but most of them are old and very good friends that I have known a long time. They are the kind of friends that, regardless of how seldom we see each other, always make it feel like it was only yesterday. The sort of friends that you can just be comfortable with.

Yet lately I have had a niggling doubt that I'm really doing all I should. In the last couple of months, I have:
- forgotten to send two 40th birthday cards,
- forgotten the birthday of my best friend's 1 year old. The "best friend" I have not seen since before Christmas because a) we both lead busy lives and it is not always possible, but b) mainly because I absentmindedly double-booked the last weekend we were supposed to be getting together...
- had a friend have to text me to arrange a night out despite it technically being "my turn" to arrange (and despite me having thought about it for weeks and still not having done anything about it!)
- still not called or emailed the friend in Germany I have been meaning to contact since Christmas

Finally, add to that my apparent inability to find any kind of words whatsoever when I meet someone going through any kind of hard time; grief or separation, and I do wonder what sort of person I appear to be on the outside...

So, to any friends secretly reading this (yes, Mr Tin, I know you keep passing on the url...grrr...), I'm sorry.

x

Schools and Working Parents

Warning: Ranty, incoherent working parent

Being a working parent requires organisation. It requires a strong routine and precision planning of military proportions - or so I like to pretend, anyway (this is obviously where I am going wrong). Homework, reading, PE kits, water bottles... they all have their designated times and days. My neighbour (also a full-time working mother) has an impressive system of post-it notes to keep track of when cakes are due in for the fundraising café, when non-uniform day is, what the deadline is for paying for the Christmas dinner.

The system of communication by school is fairly sophisticated - we get regular "parentmail" emails, and texts in rare emergencies. It is a true godsend, without which I don't think we would be able to function properly. Have you ever tried finding a note in a child's bag when that child has been at after-school club until 5pm when that child's favourite pastime appears to be sticking random bits of paper together!?

Despite this, every now and then we are still floored by a request taped to the classroom door - a recent example; "Could all children please wear black for their assembly on Thursday". For starters, I do not believe in dressing children in black - there's plenty of time for that when they are teenagers - but that's a different subject. No, what floored me was that this note was apparently taped to the door at some point during a Monday. I say "apparently", as I had to rely on other mothers to inform me of this.

DD1 goes to breakfast and after-school club Monday to Wednesday. I only take and fetch her to and from school itself two days a week. As it was, my poor, neglected child was the only one dressed in navy blue, mainly thanks to the fact that she had the intelligence to inform me of the requirement on the morning of said assembly.

Part of me feels guilty about even posting this - I do think my daughter's school is fantastic and tries very hard - but I know other people struggle with this as well. (It also leaves me to wonder how people who do not see their children's teacher at all every week can possibly cope - and vice versa,  it must also be difficult for teachers.)

Do some schools still assume there will be a stay at home parent to manage such things, or am I being unfair?

Experienced Manager seeks Flexible Working

I think I have probably said this before, but I class myself as extremely lucky when it comes to my work situation. I have a (relatively) responsible, generously paid job, that I am able to arrange more or less comfortably around my children. It helps that I managed a fantastic, experienced team who need minimal supervision from myself.

When I went back to work after DD2 was born, I was initially working four days a week - I changed this last September when DD1 started school, so that I now do 5 days, but with Thursday and Friday from home, within school hours.

I enjoy my job. However, I have also been doing this job for a while, and feel that it will soon be time for a change. My next move will probably/hopefully still be within the same organisation - one of the advantages of working for a large corporation. I am concerned though. What if I don't find something else I want to do? What if (heaven forbid) I get laid off in the next inevitable round of cost-cutting? WHAT IF I HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER JOB???!

The only jobs available that might be of interest (i.e. in a similar salary bracket) are full-time jobs. I'm sure if my current role was re-advertised, it would also be re-advertised as full time. After all, the only reason I am doing the hours I am doing is because I was already in the role and could negotiate. Most other mothers I know that work flexibly have done the same. Legally, a request for flexible working is only possible after having been with an organisation for 26 weeks continuously. Therein lies the crux of my dilemma.

Yes, I am practically doing a full-time job. Yes, I am probably more productive on a £/hr basis than I was when I was not working flexibly. However, employers do not necessarily see it that way. How could I walk into an interview and say, "nice job, sorry, can I just tell you what hours I would like to work?"They would laugh me out of the room and give the job straight to the person they would see as more committed. Short of consultancy or similar freelance work, the only option I would see would be to either bite the bullet and go full-time in the hope of negotiating flexible working down the line, or going for a lower-paid, completely part-time job. This is a choice I don't really want to contemplate. I'm really hoping I don't have to contemplate that for a long time.

Do you have experience of flexible working? Did you have to fight for the right to work flexibly? What would you do if you had to find another job? Do you know of any recruitment websites that might be of interest...?!